In A Bottle

who has to know?

2011-09-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

All-American Rejects: Dirty Little Secret

I hate being deceitful. Lying is one of the worst things a person can do to me. Being lied to hurts me more than most anything. It may childish, but it is how I feel. Lying by omission is not much better. Covering up the truth to avoid the consequences is not good either. I expressed, just last night, to my boyfriend JUST how much I hate lying. And today I get asked this? Are you serious? No. I won't be your dirty little secret. I am not going to hide that I am your friend. I won't hide it, I won't. So I guess that means we can't be friends.

loooove losing my best friends over and over again. who's next?

All we have is this life...

2011-08-25T15:39:00.000-07:00

Colbie Caillat : Dream Life, Life

...so make it be what you want :)

Well, summer is over and it is time for another year of hard work. More accounting, finance, economics, and Alpha Phi. Rush is coming up, next week, and I am excited for it. There are so many cute girls who want to rush.

The past two weeks have been a little bit of a roller coaster. From considering quitting something that I love, to reconnecting with a few people who have been missing from my life. It's weird, actually, having a void filled when it has been empty for so long. I am not sure how to handle it, but I can't complain.

Life is coming together and falling apart at the same time. It's like im suspended mid air, not sure of whether I am about to fall or soar.

Last Chance

2011-07-15T16:27:00.000-07:00

Nicki Minaj: Last Chance

My goodness. I always make a mess of things.

To you, the wonderful guy who has held my heart for such a long time, I am sorry. You know that I am. I love you so gosh dang much. I've known that you are the one that I want for far longer than I'll admit. This distance is harder on me than it used to be. I am still trying to find a way to cope with missing you this much. I am sorry, again and again and again. I just hope you havent given up on me :/

everybody makes mistakes right? losing you would be the biggest one i'd ever make.

Light Up The Sky

2011-07-04T00:49:00.000-07:00

Yellowcard: Light Up The Sky

HAPPY 4th OF JULY!!!

Today, we celebrate our Independence day. Today, we light fireworks. Today, we gather with friends and family for loads of fun.

Well, the 4th is one of the most important days of the year for me. It, along with December 5th, is one of many days in my past that have shaped who I am. The 4th will always be special, simply because of the holiday. But for other reasons, it is a day that means much more to me; the 4th is like Christmas and Thanksgiving to me. It is a day for family. But it is also a day for a special visit and avoiding bad memories.

Today makes 9 years that you have been gone. I was in 5th grade when you saw me last. I think of you all the time. I wish you were able to see who I am today. I wish you could see where we are all at. I still wish that you had somehow been able to hold on through the night. Most of all, I wish you were still here with us. We'll visit your grave, today, like we do every year.

I love you, Bobby. I will always be your Little Miss Piggy. I miss you.

Hot 'N Cold

2011-06-25T20:29:00.000-07:00

Katy Perry: Hot 'N Cold

Well, the past two days have been interesting, to say the least. and ALL thanks to this little thing:

Yes, a thermal coupler. Thanks to this wonderful thing, my Friday and the rest of the weekend was changed.

First, my Friday was supposed to be simple. I was supposed to wait for the guy to come to fix my windshield, hang out with my little, and go to a play with Chelsea Lee. Simple, right?

Now, I will explain how things really went. Well Thursday night, my littles and I stayed up talking until about 6 am, and i followed that up by talking to my wonderful boyfriend until 9 am. I then, unknowingly, fell asleep. (really, I did not realize i fell asleep until I woke up). At 1 pm, I woke up. This is nothing out of the ordinary. What was out of the ordinary is that when I went to shower, the water was ICE COLD. and refused to heat up. UH OH!! So, as any daddy's girl would do, I ran to my phone and dialed up my fathers number. And, of course, daddy said he would come to my rescue. I am running around my house, cleaning, while I wait for the guy for my car. As I am doing so, I realize that my AC will not turn off (by this time my house is around 65 degrees and I am freezing). So, I call daddy again and he says he will bring up a new thermostat when he comes up for the water heater. As I am rushing around getting things done, I realize that a) my little is coming and with everything going on there was no way to BBQ and have fun like we planned and b) i had yet to go pick up my tickets for the play. YIKES! So since my parents were going to come up, I thought it'd only be right to not go to the play (I am utterly depressed over this. 2 years now missing the plays). So Chelsea and I ended up cancelling our plans. The guy fixes my window (horrible job, but that's another story) and I am able to finish up all other errands that I had to do. PHEW! As things settle down, my little arrives. We walk around campus and eventually go to Krave, expecting yummy frozen yogurt goodness. It was not as good as we had hoped. As we are at Krave, my parents call asking us to meet them in St. George for food. So we go and skip grilling. St. George was good. We get back to Cedar around 11. At this time, we realize that I had misplaced the key for the basement (where the water heater is). Frantically, we search for it and eventually find it. Within a few minutes my dad comes upstairs "What time does Home Depot close?". Well ladies and gents, it was not just the pilot light.. something was wrong with the stupid thermal coupler. So we go to Wal-Mart, praying that somehow they would have one. No such luck. Back at home, showering was a must as I had to work at 8 am. It was cold, to say the least. Ended up going to sleep around 2 am, no big deal. When I woke up at 7 and was getting ready for work, my dad had gotten the water heater fixed (though it would take some time before the water was actually hot) and was in the process of fixing the thermostat. I had to work a 4 hour shift then an 8 hour shift 3 hours after getting off, so during my break we decided to finally grill and I ended up taking a nap.

I have no idea how my weekend would have turned out if it hadnt had been for that gosh dang thermal coupler, but i kind of liked how it turned out. We had some great times. Now bring on the next 5 days of work so that I can go home to Vegas.

Crazy Girl

2011-06-23T21:46:00.000-07:00

Eli Young Band: Crazy Girl

"Remember, true love is an act of will; it is not a feeling. Feelings come and go, but your ability to make a decision remains with you."

It truly is amazing how a quote can change your outlook. I've been thinking things through a lot lately. Have you ever been with someone and just pray that they open up and truly let you in? Have you ever hoped that they would just let you be part of their world. More than just a part in it, but actually welcome you in and let you got to know every aspect of them? You just wish to be included; you want to feel like you matter and like your opinion matters when it comes to their decisions. That's how I have been feeling lately. When I am with you, in a relationship with you, committed to you, I want to be a part of your life and part of your world. That's the great thing about dating someone at your school or someone that you have mutual friends with. That allows you to become a part of each others worlds. It allows you to truly grow, not just as individuals, but as a couple. It is something that I long for, and is why I envy each couple that I see around me. One thing that I do know, is that I have (at least according to me) a true love. I have someone who, even though we don't get to see each other, has made the decision to love me and to be with me.

“Love is not a feeling. Love is an action, an activity. . .Genuine love implies commitment and the exercise of wisdom. . . . love as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth.....true love is an act of will that often transcends ephemeral feelings of love or cathexis, it is correct to say, 'Love is as love does'.”

but i gotta say, i miss that adorable, cant get enough of each other talk.. the kind i had only a year ago. "i have the best girlfriend/boyfriend ever" statuses and a constant stream of mush coming from his mouth. I miss that boy who was always trying to impress me and always wanted to get to know my friends. those days were good.. those days are gone.

Daddy's Girl

2011-06-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

Red Sovine: Daddy's Girl

HAPPY FATHERs DAY!!!

It is fathers day, and although he won't see this post, I felt it would only be right to dedicate a post to the wonderful man that is my father. So, first, I must express just how amazing my daddy is. (and yes, i call him daddy. I may be twenty, but until the day I die, he will be my daddy). He's the greatest

I won't sit here and tell you everything that he's encountered in his life, but know that it is a lot. The man who is my father, is the most influential, inspirational, man i have ever met. I am more than honored to call him my dad. So, again, from everything that he has been through, to where he is now, a father of four, grandfather, owner of a successful business, a professor/instructor (even if he quit i will still claim it for him), and one of the kindest and most understanding men you will ever meet. My daddy is, simply, amazing. He worked hard his entire life in order to provide for his wife and his children; to make sure that his family never had to go without food. Actually, my dad worked so hard that we got just about everything our hearts desired.

I can't imagine having to go through life without a father like him. I remember my mom, brother, and I hiding in my parents bed under the cover when we heard my dad pull up from work (for lunch, which happened every day) and staying there are quiet as we could be while he "searched" for us. I remember my daddy being there for me when i was a cheerleader and eddie was in football. For every holiday, birthday, recital, concert, and award ceremony, my dad was there, standing tall and proud. My dad bragged about me my whole life. From my grades, to the fact that I traveled with P2P (somehow that gives bragging rights in my dads eyes), to being salutatorian and going on to SUU and pursuing my degrees, my dad has always been proud of me and supported me.

I love my daddy so much. I can't imagine ever letting him down. For everything he went through to make sure that I have the very best in life, I can only thank him a million times, and make sure that I never let him down.

I know it's often said that a girl wants to marry a guy like her dad. And that's more than true in my case. I want to marry a man, as strong and loving as my father; a man who my children will look up to and admire for everything they have done. A man like that is extremely hard to find, and I hope that whoever I marry can be at least half the man he (daddy) didnt have to be.

I Just Wanna Be Mad

2011-06-18T23:29:00.000-07:00

Terri Clark: I Just Wanna Be Mad

I'll never leave, I'll never stray. My love for you will never change, but I ain't ready to make up.

After a year, I have finally realized something. When I was with Daniel, we fought and fought and fought, not once breaking up over it. I would stay mad at him, cry, curse at him, tell him i didnt want to talk to him. But we never broke up. And I hated the fighting. So somewhere between fighting with him and fighting with Corey, I got to this place that whenever something wasnt perfect, that i would want to throw in the towel. AND I JUST REALIZED THIS PROBLEM. I just realized that "hey. it's ok to be mad. it's ok for things not to be perfect all the time. you're gonna get mad, you're gonna be sad. its ooookay". Not saying that the fighting (like it was with Daniel) is good, but holy goodness, its ok to be mad and sad. ITS OK TO HAVE EMOTIONS! who woulda thunk ;)

It may not seem like a breakthrough to you, but it has been for me. One that I wish i had come to sooner. But now that i have come to it, i keeping it in mind.

step one: you say "we need to talk"

2011-06-14T09:25:00.000-07:00

The Fray: How To Save A Life

Well, first, today is Flag Day! Happy Flag Day!

Now, where did i go wrong? I lost a friend.. Haha. Ok, now seriously. It's amazing how four little words can change a person's day, attitude, and even life (if you think long term.. i mean what if they were the one but Oh no! not those words, there goes the "right" future.. im rambling). There are a lot of phrases like this: short, but life changing. Looking back, a lot of the major moments in my life are attached to a short sentence like this. From "Bobby esta muerto" to "I love you". And really, think about it. This happens all the time: "Will you marry me?" "I want a divorce" "I'm pregnant." "It's not yours" (haha I thought that was funny... probably not.). All of these sentences are four words or less, yet they form, or lead to, some of the most important events in your life. I think its odd, but maybe it just took me a while to figure this one out.

Big Girls Don't Cry

2011-06-09T20:14:00.000-07:00

Fergie: Big Girls Don't Cry (Personal)

Growing up. It's something we fight, with all of our might, though we know we cannot avoid it. As I grew up, I always had this inability to do simple things (like calling my dentist to change my appointment, or even ordering my food at a restaurant - yeah daddy did that for me) on my own. In moving to Utah, I couldn't retain this inability, due to the fact that my parents were not longer around. So up I grew. (and yes, it took until I moved out for me to begin this process) It may have even shocked my parents the first time I told my dad that he didn't have to order for me anymore. Since then, other than calling my parents to ask if the grill I am about to buy is worth it, (and the fact that I live in the house they own up here.. but I will be moved out in the fall) I am doing just fine on my own. I had been asking my mother, for weeks, when my dentist appointment is, as they send the reminders to the house in Vegas. Week after week goes by with no answer further than "I don't know. I will call them". Finally, last night, she informs me that the appointment is on the 23rd. ERROR ERROR! I work on the 23rd. Today, I called them to see if I could move my appointment (NBD). Of course, with my luck, there were no openings, but they took my number down if anything should open up. After I got off the phone thought to myself "Two years ago, you would have never done that yourself.. good job Cassy!" and so came this blog. A little pat on the back to myself for growing in these last two years.

Vegas Skies

2011-06-08T18:24:00.000-07:00

The Cab: Vegas Skies

So, being born and raised in Vegas was never a big deal to me. It's just another city in the crazy, mixed up world. I was familiar, before moving, with people constantly asking if I went to the strip often or even live in a hotel. I was familiar with people being shocked that people actually live in Vegas, in nice houses and communities outside of the strip.

At work today, I was talking to a regular guest. He asked me what time I would be off work tonight, and I promptly (and excitedly) told him that I would be off at 9. He then asked what my plans were for tonight and I informed him that I would, simply, be cleaning my house (as i have had planned for a while now). As many people would expect, he was shocked by this, then asking me "You aren't going out? No movies? No parties? No other plans?". With him so upset by the fact that I am such a loser, I informed him that I was going to Vegas this weekend. He then started talking about how I was going to have so much fun and that they were just there and how the Sahara was closed while they were there (ps i was home for that) and commented on going to the casinos and going to the clubs, or whatever he may have said (I lost track in all of his excitement). Then came, from me, "I'm only twenty" (didn't feel like explaining that my twentieth is on Saturday). That did not stop him, he then informed me of HOW MUCH FUN I am going to have next year for my birthday. So, friends, you have to make it memorable for me, the man said so.

Also, on a mini-rant. Why is it that turning 21 automatically means you are going to go out and get drunk. I have yet to drink, nor do I plan to.. Is it just popular culture? I know I am weird for having never drunk, but still..

Until next time..

Love, Virtually

2011-06-07T20:19:00.000-07:00

temporarily, i am abandoning my lyrically themed titles

I began reading a new book today. Obviously, the title is Love Virtually. The first page or so (yes, only the first few) seemed to drag, but now I can't seem (nor really want) to put the book down. I am not quite sure what it is exactly that draws me into the story. Perhaps it is the fact that I am (technically) involved in a virtual relationship. Now, in the book (so far), it is more of a correspondence, they have never met, and there are no feelings between the characters, and (unlike the book) I have met my wonderful boyfriend, I have spent hours and days, and weeks (though not all together) with him, and we have a true (and real) relationship. But for one reason or another, I am drawn to stories like this. I am definitely going to continue reading it, and giving updates.

birthdays

2011-06-06T20:08:00.000-07:00

The Beatles: Birthday
ps. i realize my birthday is on Saturday, but i might not post that day since i will be in Vegas.

Happy Birthday to me!
and to anybody else born this month

instead of a post all about how i am now twenty and two decades of my life have passed (by the way, a fifth-life crisis post is imminent), i decided to write a post on birthdays. More broadly though, i would like to write a post on gifts.

so, gifts. this article has more to do with married couples, but hey, all couples have to deal with gift giving at one point (if you get far enough along in the relationship). i must say, i am a horrible gift giver. even for someone who i have known for years, and know them inside and out, i could never ever give a gift that i think they truly loved, or even liked. i tend to give (and like) gifts that are a bit more thoughtful. i will acquire information about you, from your favorite color to flavors, scents, and even sports teams, just so that i can make or find you a gift that might actually mean something to you. yet, i never feel like my thoughtful gifts are received well. for this reason, i say i am a horrible gift giver. i normally do not pick up on the things you really want, whether it be a watch or the lastest video game and/or console. the article states that women are hurt by gifts, gone awry. i would have to state, i am definitely one of the women out there who feel hurt, though not to the same extent as some of them.

does anybody else have trouble giving gifts? am i the only one who feels like i've been blindfolded, spun around a thousand times and told to point at a specific object that was positioned AFTER the blindfold was placed? oh gifts, why must you be such a bother to me? and tell me, how do you feel about gifts? do you care more for the highly marketed, newest fad or for something well thought out?

I Wonder..

2011-06-05T16:30:00.000-07:00

This has to be the most amazing, fascinating, inspiring video i have ever watched.

I was fiddling around, looking at different blogs, and happened upon this. As quoted in that blog "If I should have a daughter, instead of 'Mom' she's gonna call me 'Point B'. Because that way she knows that, no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me"

I Wonder: Joy Williams

ps. i am discontinuing the youtube videos related to my titles.
i will ever have titles based on songs, but i will condense the videos into simple links.

There's More to Me Than You

2011-06-04T18:59:00.000-07:00

don't make someone a priority, when you're only an option

i've always heard this quote. i've always thought i understood it. i mean, it is a pretty simple statement. it is straight forward, very much to the point. so why is it that i now feel like i actually understand it. is it because i have finally realized that i am only an option? is it because i feel like i've been let down, time and time again? is it because i, myself, let me down? is it because i haven't been making myself a priority in my own life?

i do not know the answer to this. i can't say that i ever will. but i do know that i am in control of my life and my choices. this may sound odd, but i was watching mortal combat yesterday, and i couldn't help but think to myself, "my goodness, cassy. that is true. each person is responsible for their own destiny". i am in control. not him. not her. not anybody else, but yourself.

anyways, two months ago i was not happy with things and i decided that i would stop caring so much about what everybody else thought and did, i decided that i would just do me. and that worked. but somewhere along the way i reverted. i went back to caring more about everybody else. going so far out of my way that it messes up my own life, just to make somebody else happy. and i became miserable again. so this is day 1 of putting myself first again.

one of the first things i am going to do for me: go blonde. i dont care if some people may think its too blonde or wont look good. if i dont like it i can always go back. but gosh dangit, i am going to do it!

let's see if this can last.

why do you build me up...

2011-06-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

just to let me down?

There is nothing- NOTHING- i hate more than somebody raising my hopes for nothing. if there is one thing you could do for me, it is to NEVER raise my hopes if you wont come through. dont promise me we'll hang out, dont tell me we'll talk, dont say anything that might make me think "hey. there is hope".

this especially hurts when its somebody who matters most to me. when i should be able to trust that they mean what they say, when i should be able to trust that they will pull through.

for now, im let down.

I Can See Clearly Now..

2011-06-03T21:43:00.000-07:00

point of clarification

I know that I am young. At this point in my life,
I couldn't even imagine being married or having kids.

Also, as Jess and Chels pointed out,
I gotta be able to drink at my own damn wedding.

in reference to..

The Future Freaks Me Out.

2011-06-03T21:19:00.000-07:00

bad bad bad. its really hard to convince myself that i am young and have time.

years ago, i freaked out and really messed some things up because i kept telling myself that i was young, too young to have the plans that i did. it wasnt so much that the idea of settling down was daunting; settling down has always been a dream of mine, basically my life goal. i always dreamed of getting married, having children (2) and living happily, picket fence and all. but i convinced myself i was too young. i kept telling myself that. i got to the point where i wouldnt even let myself think about it. its been a while since i have actually considered my future. since i have thought about getting married, who i might marry, where we will live, the kids we might have, any of that. i wouldnt allow myself to. i created this idea that thinking about it was wrong, that i shouldnt do it. and that if i did think about or DARE talk about it to, say, my boyfriend, then everything would be ruined.

so at this point, when my friends are getting married and i guess "growing up", you can understand why i am thinking "bad bad bad". i've lived a life where i tell myself that doing just that is IMPOSSIBLE at my age and never to think of it. so, now i am completely surrounded- engulfed, even- in this world where everybody is getting married, how am i not to feel like i somehow messed up. lately i feel like i messed up, like i did something wrong. like i am not at the right point in my life.

i know this isnt true. i know that i am 20, and that is plenty young.

i realize this is my second post on the subject.. its just been on my mind a lot.

ADDENDUM

the happiest girl in the whole USA

2011-06-02T01:50:00.000-07:00

i have just been so happy lately. i am always in such a good mood. i wake up happy, my days are great, and i am having so much fun!

well, SIX days ago was my ONE YEAR with corey :).

i came home that day to find beautiful flowers, a box of chocolates and a present (which i am pretending i dont know what it is for the point of being surprised once my birthday rolls around in 9 days).

not only was that day amazing because i came home to all of that.. but i went to Ninja with Chelsea Lee that night :). i had fun trying to eat with chopsticks (i reaaaallly suck at it), and had their fried ice cream (FREE! score!) and it was amaaaazing

me (looking gross) showing off my chopstick skillssss

since then, i have basically been working a lot. today i went out with my darling Devionare. and i bought a grill. its perfect for me and i am so excited to have it now. and this summer is gonna be EPIC with my grilling and singing parties with her hahaha.

right now i am just really excited to go home for my birthday, and the week after that as well.

I AM SO HAPPY :)

Just a Dream

2011-05-28T20:20:00.000-07:00

I had the weirdest dream last night. The only part that I remember (and im not sure if i am glad i remember it or not) is this:

I was pregnant, not yet at full term. For some reason the baby had to come out. So in order to get the baby out (no labor, no c-section.. nope) a man stuck his hand UUUP and basically contorted the poor baby and PULLED IT OUT OF ME!!! i woke up in pain. seriously. what kind of dream is that??? really? a baby being torn from inside of you.. i tried to look up the meaning. but oddly enough that isnt a common dream. i know that pregnancy and birth has to do with new ideas and new attitudes or something.

i couldnt sleep much last night. so hopefully tonight will be easier.

this city is contagious

2011-05-27T12:19:00.000-07:00

So i guess i dont really post when i am in vegas. But here i am. And back to cedar tonight. BUT i will be back in vegas for my birthday :D! yay!

being home, and talking to my madre about life and such, i start to think about my future and the things i want to happen. obviously in the next 2.5 years I plan to complete my bachelors and two masters degrees. After those are completed, and if i find a job here, i will move back to vegas and start my life. but thats as far as i ever plan. basically school and immediately after. before i went to cedar i had my life planned. i knew who i'd marry, when we'd marry, how many kids we'd have and each of their names. yes, these were dreams or goals or whatever, but i had a plan and it wasnt just my plan, it was somebody elses too. i knew i COULD dream like that, because i had somebody who wanted those things. and not just wanted them with anybody, but with ME. I will be 20 in 15 days, and i know that is still young. but i always dreamed that i would be married at 24, and that really gives me the next three years to find the guy who will spend his life with me. I don't know why I limit myself the way I do. right now, i know the reason this has been running through my head is because so many of my friends and getting married and having babies. i am in no way single or looking for anything else. i am happy where i am, even if i dont have a plan. life is what happens when you're busy making other plans, right?

i keep telling myself "its easy not to care" (repeat a thousand times in my head) and it helps to relax me. i often wonder if the things i put myself through are really worth it. will the end result be anything like I hope? will it be better? worse? will i come out stronger? or will i wallow in defeat?

mama, you taught me to do the right things

2011-05-25T22:56:00.000-07:00

Oh, my darling mother. I love my madre, and she makes me laugh.

Today we were talking, and I told her that I am going to get married in the Cinderella dress from Alfred Angelo's Disney Fairy Tale Weddings Collection. Minus all the glitter and sparkle, I adore this dress. Her response? "You need to find some mice to make your dress" which was followed by a high pitched "cinderelly, cinderelly". Not like a wedding is anywhere in my future ha. Oh well.

Mama's Song: Carrie Underwood

Only wish you knew what I wanted to say...

2011-05-24T16:01:00.000-07:00

Have you ever lost a friend? Not just somebody that you kind of knew and rarely talked to, but somebody who you were really close to? Somebody that you talked to all day every day? Somebody that you never thought you'd lose? It hurts to lose somebody over petty things; to be cut off from someone's life because of jealousy or insecurity. In the past year, I've lost a lot of those friends. One was completely my fault because I was cowardly and dishonest. Another was my fault because I was brave and too honest. Those two friendships were mended. A third one, however, still leaves me feeling empty day after day. I don't think I will ever come to understand just what happened. I may have acted childish; it is something I am known for doing.

To that person: I know you may never read this, but there is so much that I want to say to you. I know you told me never to speak to you again, so I have honored your wishes, and have steered clear. You were my best friend. You helped me through more things than anybody else did in the last year; every event, good or bad, you were there for me. Texts, calls (the two that were ever made), skype, facebook, e-mails; we talked every way we could. I opened up to you, and you opened up to me (something you said you never do). I supported you with everything. Why did you drop off the face of the Earth after you came back? It doesn't make sense to me that you went underway, talked to me like normal, then you come back and a few days later things changed. I don't understand how it was so easy for you to forget me, after everything... I wish I had a way of getting answers, but I know I need to forget about it and fill whatever emptiness I feel.

Everythings Just Wonderful

2011-05-22T21:53:00.000-07:00

So far, it is looking like I will enjoy my summer, even with my work schedule. I am going to be able to go home for my birthday, AND the Fourth of July. I am already so excited to be home for those. Especially the Fourth. That holiday holds a special place in my heart, for a reason that most people are not aware of. It's been almost nine years and things are still not the same. My mother says that I need to let it go and let myself heal, but it isn't that simple. At least it isn't for me. Not after carrying this hurt around for so long. BUT regardless, spending that time with my family is going to be amazing. and I pray that they are all in town. I have only been in Vegas once for the Fourth of July in the past 4 years. in 2007 and 2008 I was in Europe. and last summer I was working on the Fourth.

so yay for summer plans :). may the swimming, road trips and fun begin.. (or continue)

World Spins Madly On...

2011-05-21T01:24:00.000-07:00

in light of Harold Camping's SECOND failed attempt at predicting the rapture and end of the world, i thought this song title was absolutely fitting.

also, all this talk about the world ending left me to think. if the world really does end on May 21, 2011, can i look back on my life and say that i truly enjoyed my life? i mean im not even 20. i wouldnt get to turn 21 (such a shame), i wouldnt graduate with my bachelors or masters degrees, i wouldnt get to have the wedding i have dreamed of since i was three, i wouldnt get to have children, i wouldnt actually get to live.

random tidbit: ever since i was old enough to know about the rapture and understand it, i have prayed to God that, while it is selfish to ask for it, i may be able to live my life to the fullest, marriage children career and all.

and thats so depressing. who wants to look back on their life and question if they really had fun. they should just know. i can honestly say i have enjoyed every summer since 2007 (school years not so much). and i am currently happy. so i guess i am on a roll. ha. let just keep the happiness going.

here it goes again

2011-05-19T20:33:00.000-07:00

so here goes.. well at the beginning of summer (yeah what a week or two ago?) i decided i wanted to go blonde.. bought some stuff to lighten my hair, it worked. but my roots were so much lighter than the rest of my hair. sooo i thought "ok i will dye my hair a lighter shade so that its all one shade..." well.. yeah. ITS DARKER! should have read the reviews on this product before i used it :/ apparently its a common occurrence. the "all one shade" objective was achieved.. but all the product i used to lighten my hair went to waste...

oh look my roots are almost blonde

oh look my hair is brown again :(

so thats my story on my hair. back to brown. going to let it fade naturally and then to blonde like i had planned from the start. hopefully it fades quickly.

its may, so i have a good three months to grow my hair out, let it lighten then go blonde before school starts.

in one week (and three hours) corey and i will have our "one year". im happy. excited i guess.. though there is no true reason to be excited lol. not like we have a date planned lol. being in different countries will do that ya. it'd be nice, and incredibly sweet if we were able to pull off a date via skype. but i know it wont happen. so hopes are staying loooow. like buried in the ground low. sweet things like that are not in my deck of cards.

buuuut. i love summer. i love being able to just relax :) its so nice.

Begin Again

2011-05-18T22:28:00.000-07:00

so with the start of a new blog, i thought this title was perfection. any loyal readers (chelsea) would know that i use song titles/lyrics as my blog titles. i love this "tradition" and decided to continue this in my blogging attempt, numero dos. the original blog was put to rest, but is still available for viewing if you so desire.

so its summer. and i must say, sun rain or snow, i am loving it.

i am making it a goal for this blog to post once a day... let's see if i can actually keep up with that. maybe i'll even make an appearance on here in video :)

so here's to you and here's to me. may we ever, happy, be :) --yeah i changed the quote. we're gonna disagree eventually :P

and p.s. the name of the blog? i tend to say things are in a bottle

"insanity in a bottle" "stupidity in a bottle" so this is me in a bottle :)